The Undignified Death of Dia Kurosawa
by TheCuriousInferno
Summary: Dia literally cannot run to save her life. When subunit Azalea is being chased by zombies, she has to do her very best to keep from becoming the next victim.


Her sides were on fire. Every breath she took felt like somebody was jamming a knife into her ribcage. Ahead of her, Kanan had to at least be partially aware of Dia's incredibly labored breathing—she wasn't exactly trying to stifle it. Kanan, who always pestered Dia about her long legs, glanced back a few times with a small trace of pity in her features. It might've been fair expectation that, blessed with gracefully long legs, Dia should've commanded bigger strides and be able to cover greater distances. Nope. A dead cat could probably outrun her.

Running was absolutely undignified. Brutish. Her boots were made for _walking_. There was a reason models walked their shows and that was because running was ugly. It made beautiful girls ugly. Except for Kanan, but Kanan was hardly human. When Kanan ran, it seemed more like she was perfectly still and the ground moved itself beneath her.

Dying was also incredibly undignified and Dia refused to do it. She wasn't running because she wanted to—she wasn't _insane_. They were out here making hideous faces and breathing raggedly because they were being chased. By zombies. Since this was clearly the lesser of two evils, Dia followed her subunit leader Kanan as she charged forward. If not for her human decency and probable godliness, Kanan would've most likely been a blip in the distance.

At least Dia wasn't last though, and that was because the only person worse than she was when it came to physical activity was Hanamaru. She was closer to Dia than either were to Kanan, but far enough away that Dia confidently held onto 2nd place.

Neither of them were running fast enough to keep their advantage over their undead pursuers, though. At this rate, Dia calculated, they would be caught in a matter of seconds. She peered over her shoulder at Hanamaru who, impressively, managed to work her way just up to Dia's heels. She was still last and Dia rejoiced. After all, when being chased it didn't matter if you were the fastest, because being faster than the person behind you was enough.

Her elation soured into guilt, because how could she be happy for Hanamaru's inevitable demise? Sure, between the two of them Dia preferred to live, but it wasn't as if she disliked Hanamaru in any way. Dia held a moderately positive regard for Hanamaru, in fact. Hanamaru had to like her too, Dia figured. And why shouldn't she? Dia had always been there for her junior providing structure and guidance and imparting her vast supply of μ's knowledge and general wisdom. Dia looked back and saw the zombies closing the gap between them. There were too many to fight—or more accurately, stand behind Kanan who would then do all the fighting. Kanan, powerful and caring as she was, knew fighting would be the death of all three of them. 2 out of 3 wasn't failing. 66% was acceptable.

The next time Dia glanced behind her, she made accidental eye contact with Hanamaru. Shoot. They lingered in their gaze and Dia hoped the smaller girl had no awareness of Dia's recent thoughts, which included a pitiful _please don't hate me when you die._

"I'm sorry!" Dia didn't process the words, even as she watched Hanamaru's lips move around them. Hanamaru's tiny hands were already pulling at the back of Dia's shirt before she realized what was even happening. As it registered and **YOU ARE FALLIN** **G** flashed big and red in her brain, she couldn't believe it. Her feet came out from beneath her, her legs knocked against each other in the air, and she still couldn't believe it. Dia's entire body was horizontal before slamming hard into the ground, and as she watched Hanamaru skip along ahead of her, she couldn't believe it. Maybe at this point, she _refused_ to believe that her own teammate just sacrificed her. Before Dia could scream at her junior and curse her for subjecting her to a most undeserving fate, the undead were upon her. Their moans and grabbing hands were a death sentence and Dia's only regret was that she couldn't die more fashionably.

This was the undignified end of Dia Kurosawa. Cut down in her prime by traitorous hamster-hands and bad sportsmanship. She closed her eyes and embraced death.

* * *

"Dia's dead!" Chika called. "Hanamaru, that was _savage_!"

Dia's eyes snapped open as she felt nimble fingers trickling down her stomach. She smacked the offending digits and Mari giggled above her. "Don't touch me, you heathen. Help me up."

"How can I help you up if I can't touch you, Dia," she teased in her usual singsongy tenor. Dia growled and pulled the blonde down with her. "Dia! How bold!"

Kanan and Hanamaru returned and Dia gave her murderer a vicious scowl that sent her fleeing behind their unit leader. "After all we've been through, Hanamaru, how could you do that to me?!"

"That was the most brutal thing I've ever seen," You added. "In a real zombie apocalypse stay the heck away from Hanamaru. That girl ain't loyal."

"Ruby, you're not mad at me are you?" Hanamaru squeaked from behind Kanan as she eyed Dia warily. If Dia's entire body wasn't in complete agony, she might've given the girl a real reason to be terrified. "I-I'm sorry I killed your sister, but I didn't want you guys to get me."

"I can't really be mad at you, but I am surprised."

"Ruby!" Dia couldn't believe that her own sister wasn't outraged at such injustice. "I am your flesh and blood, Ruby, how can you let her do me in like that?"

Ruby fidgeted slightly. "I'd feel worse for you, Dia, but it looked kind of like you were hoping Hanamaru would be the first one to get caught."

"It's true, I saw it in your eyes! You were hoping little Hanamaru would distract us long enough for you to escape. How villainous!" Mari, as if ignoring her own accusations, nuzzled into Dia's chest. Dia unsuccessfully tried to push her face away.

"I can't believe you, Dia. Zuramaru is like your child." Yoshiko shook her head in mock disgust.

"I do have to agree with everyone," Kanan finally spoke up. "Dia, Hanamaru trusts us to take care of her and as her seniors it's our job to keep her safe."

"Are you saying I should've sacrificed myself to begin with?!"

"Yes."

"I don't believe this. I get assassinated by a fellow member of Azalea and _I'm_ the bad guy? Ugh, this whole 'zombie apocalypse exercise' is ridiculous. Why did I even agree to it?"

"Well, you did improve your speed," Riko said, examining the stop watch she'd been using to time their laps.

" _Wow_!" Mari cheered, hugging Dia tighter than her new bruises would allow. "You did so well, Dia! Next time you might be far enough away from Hanamaru that she won't be able to pull you down!"

"Next time? I'm never doing this again. I hate all of you. Except Ruby."


End file.
